Sleepless Nights.

Oh my how fun. Finally went to bed @ 12:30 and by 4 in the morning I had "Oldies" stuck in my head. "I got Chills there multiplying" (I had chills running down one leg).
"Oh what a night, Late September back in '63 (2010)" and best one yet. "I couldn't get to sleep at all last night duh duh duh dun." Yeah it's going to be a great day when it starts that way. Crazy. I guess I am more worried about today than I thought. They say it's easier because you know what to expect. My philosophy is I am better off NOT knowing what to expect. It scares me to think I get to go through all this over and over and over. Oh well, It's for the greater good as they say. I am worried about getting the "Chemo" brain and getting forgetful (very worried). I am normally very much in control of my environment and what is going on and lately I have had to write myself notes about "Everything". I have notes on bills to pay, drs appts, pills to take, what to buy at the store. It's kinda pathetic. I am constantly trying to make sure I "remember" things so my brain doesn't ever shut off. Oh and FYI if you get ramblings on here or repetitiveness just go with it and you can even snicker at me about for it. I just hope I don't forget to put on my "Hair". hahahha. That would be hilarious.

Last day of the "Feel Goods"

So my last day of the "feel goods" and then I get my butt kicked tomorrow again. I had an awesome "last day". haha. Went to lunch with friends from work, Worked "all day" yay me, Went to Joy Luck for dinner with another friend, got major heartburn from the Hot mustard ( my bad I know better ), got my bills paid for the week, got my bathroom cleaned and my laundry 1/2 done. How's that for an eventful day? I am so ready for bed. Bring it on treatment I am ready for you this time.  I am a bit worried, I have heard that the 2nd treatment is worse than the first. I hope not. But I am prepared. I have all my pills and I know how to use them. And use them I will. One to sleep, one for Nausea, one for pain, one for muscle aches and Regular old Tylenol for the Teeth pain. I am pretty sure nothing can be worse than going bald and Back spasms. At least I can't imagine much worse. Well maybe laying on the bathroom floor and puking up my guts. That might be worse. Lucky for me I haven't had that at all. Some benefit I suppose. I am so used to not having my hair and it actually feels pretty darn good. I wear the wig to work and come home and OFF it goes. Bandana time. Weird how my worst fear didn't kill me at all. (That would be losing my Hair) It's not so bad and I know it will grow back. Thanks ever so much for the thoughts, prayers and general well wishes. It means alot to me and it really helps me stay positive. I will keep you posted.  Peace out.

Tuesday Countdown begins

I missed yesterday. It was a 10 hour Crazy day at work. I came home, at dinner and crashed. But FYI the Wig went over well. I got so many compliments on my "hair cut". It almost made me feel like I was lying. In some weird way. I just said Thanks. Then one lady actually asked me "Who cuts my Hair?" I said "Great Clips". haha. I don't even know why it just came out of my mouth. My friends and I laughed about it the rest of the day. Another girl said "Oh I wish I could have your Hair". So I told her she can have it when I am done with it. hahaha. She didn't get the joke. I loved it.
Today was another busy day (At least in the morning). I made it through the whole day. Of course I get to feel good for 2 more days. Well Actually 1 1/2 days. I am starting to get nervous. They say the treatments get worse each time. I am not sure it could get much worse from the first time without killing me. I guess we will see. At least this time I know what to expect, I have the knowledge and the MEDICATION to get through anything. I just hope I don't get the Back Spasms. I am pretty sure that was the worst part. Not that any of it was fun.
I am getting very comfortable with my "Bald" head and my Bandana. At least I got rid of alot of the pin prickly head pain. Still have a bit towards my forehead but that may be because of the wig. Well off to bed. Talk to you again tomorrow.

Hair today gone to Maui.

Well I really didn't go to Maui. I finally got up my courage with a little help form Ms. Jessica. About 5:30 tonight "we" cut it all off. First with scissors then with the clippers. A few tears and lots of laughs later what was left of my hair was all over the bathroom floor. Oh and down the back of my shirt. haha. Then it was shower time. You know you really don't need much shampoo when you don't have hair. Tomorrow will be the big test. It will be my first day at work with my "Wig". Wish me luck. I hope it passes.

AAGGGGHHHH!

Just saying. I just went in to wash my hair. I am not sure if it would have mattered if I did or not but I guess it's time to shave my head. I think it would be easier to make a conscious choice than every day to pull out clumps and handfuls. Man I have some thick hair. I have lost so much and my hair still looks the same. It's much thinner but I don't have the "typical" bald spots. It hurts alot when it is coming out though so why torture myself. I wonder if Jessica has the "Guts" to shave it for me? She says she does but we will see. And my little Deb went to Idaho. Bad timing Deb. haha. Jk. My Mom said I should just go to Great Clips or something. Yeah right, like that wouldn't embarass me down to the core. Maybe I will be superly brave and do it myself. Sounds like something I would do.

Super Saturday= Exhaustion

Wow. I am so tired right about now. I had a great time (except for the heat) and more importantly Austin had a great time. I am debating letting my sister shave my head tonight. Big decision. But on the other hand let me explain a little about "losing" your hair. It doesn't just drop out like you would think and leave you bald. It comes out in chunks and actually hurts. It feels like someone has pulled on your hair, which in turns gives (me personally) and humongous headache. I am also really tired of wearing hats already. I wear them so I don't "drop" hair everywhere I go but they my head hurts even more. It's a lose lose situation. I think I may just go ahead and shave it so it cutes hurting. Some people lose theirs all at once evidently mine is going to take a while. It's been almost 3 days already and it just keeps coming out. Either way it will be wig day on Monday. I hope I can pull it off. I do have a super cute wig and I think it will look pretty good. At least this happened over a weekend. My next treatment is Thursday so I am sure either way all the hair would be gone after that one. Still amazed I am NOT freaking out. Good Night I am off to bed.

Super Saturday

Today I "Feel" like a normal person. I might not look like one but I do feel like it. haha. I slept really well. Still not a full 8 hours. Maybe some day I will catch up on all this missed sleep. I dropped a ton of hair yesterday but the funny thing is you can't really tell too much. I have a super cute hat (betty boop of course) and the hair on the back of my head is still all there so it just looks like I like hats. I have my little buddy today which always cheers me up. Last time I had him over was last Friday and I was still a bit on the down low. Today is a good day and we are going up to Heber to watch his Dad do a "run in the Mud". It sounds like fun. I choose to enjoy every day that I feel good. I am not Naive and I know from experience there will be some BAD ones but why not have fun on the good ones right?!
My sister came up yesterday and I met her new Boyfriend today. He is a good guy and they are cute together. But anyway, she had a surprise for me that I thought was super cool. She got a Tattoo on her foot to show her support. It has 2 hearts and the BCancer ribbon and on the Red ribbon she had the word sisters put in. It is really cool. Jessica got one too with the Breast Cancer butterfly. I will be getting mine as soon as the Chemo is over and the risk of infection is minimized. I think my Dr. would kill me if I let someone touch me with needles and ink right about now. I can't wait though, both of their Tatts are beautiful. But the best part is they were thinking of me when they got them.
Off to Play. Talk to you soon.