Ocotober 6th

Wednesday........I am so glad I decided not to go to work today. It seems that my Bathroom floor and I are going to be great freinds. I slept there part of the night and will probably be in there "Many" Many times today. The tile floor feels really good actually when you are having the "Sweats". I have come to find that if you find something that helps go with it. Feeling a little bit sad. I honestly hoped I would feel better than this by now. I thought that getting the shot late last time prolonged everything else but I guess not. That's O.K. I still get to have 2 "good" weekends and I am VERY thankful for that.
My baby sister is coming up this weekend and we are hoping to have some good Grandma time with the kids. Maybe the Pumpkin patch. BRRRR. Fall is here. Yay. I have some awesome hats and I won't look so awkward wearing them. I am still hoping to be able to go to Dallin and Sam's wedding but it will be a wait and see. At least I can feel like I had a small part in getting their gift together.

Tuesday Oct. 5th

Not quite as bad today. I just simply feel that any and all energy has been zapped from my body. I hope their isn't a Fire or Major Catastrophe I am afraid I would not make it down the stairs. So I need to clear up this stupid shot I get. I think it is called Neulasta. I keep saying Luenasta. Well whichever one it is, I am NOT taking the sleep aid. hahaha. Although it might be good if I did so I could sleep a bit. I guess I can't complain I am up to 7 hours a night. I usually only wake up once for a Potty run. Those Adult diapers are looking pretty good right now. NOT!. EWWW!. I would have gone the Bed Pan route but unfortunately my darling daughter wasn't up for the challenge. My sweet little Mommy brought me a book to read, a magazine, cleaned my Kitchen and even rub my feet with some pain reliever cream. She rocks big time. Got me through the day Mom.
Two days ago I was ready to give up and discontinue treatment but I am starting to remember that there are "Good" days. I refuse to give up the fight now matter what I have to endure. My family, my friends and my LIFE are way too important to give up now. Keep in mind that in all things there are trials and tribulations. Look to the Positive and you can make it through anything. No one said it would be easy.............But it is most definitely worth it!. Can someone remind me of this statement on October 23rd when I am going through this again?!. Peace out. Thanks for sharing.

Monday Morning. Yuck.

No such luck. I was hoping getting the Leunasta shot earlier and keeping up on the pills would keep me from getting as much pain. Yeah, I think not. No Back spasms (yet) but oh the pain in my back and legs. Already popping the Loratab. Any other time those things would knock me out. Of course not now. My Ankles feel like someone hit me with a baseball bat. Wow, a new adventure every time. Fair warning you may want to stay far away from me today. I am ORNERY! big time. My stupid dog keeps barking at people out the window and I am about to go over and ring his neck. haha. Who am I kidding I probably can't even stand up. Oh I know this too shall pass within a day or two but it sure isn't fun for today. Thank goodness I don't have to be at work. All those crazy demanding patients I might actually go to jail for murder. O.K. O.K. I am working on staying calm. Deep breathing. NOPE ain't gonna happen. I can hardly wait for November 11th. That is my last Chemo treatment. I am sure that week will be easier to deal with since I know it will be the last. I got this!. Peace out.

Sunday Morning

October 3rd. I think. Oh what a beautiful morning. I am up at the crack of dawn (4:30).
But that's O.K. I went outside with my dogs and the stars and the moon were so bright and the air is so crisp. It was a perfect start to an early day. I had such a good talk with my "Big Sis" last night she is officially my new "Grief Counselor". She gives me advice on how to accept help, to admit when I am not well, and to allow myself to have a "pity party" once in a while. But she also reminded me that I feel this way the first week or so and I do get "better". And I will get better. This is not the "ME" forever, it is a temporary setback. My sweet little "Church" ladies/Friends made us some yummy frozen dinners. It is so nice that people care enough to help out. It is nice too because we can just cook them when we need them. There are so many thoughtful people in my life and I want to Thank you all. I am learning (the hard way) that I might actually need some help and it is O.K. to take it. Some day it will be my turn to give back and I will.
I am hoping for a ride up to the Canyon today to see the turning leaves. I just hope my body cooperates. I LOVE FALL!.

October 2nd-Technically

Wow. I actually slept for 6 wole hours. Last night was a bummer night. I think I finally admitted to myself that I am a Cancer patient. Don't get me wrong I wasn't in denial. I just thought it was easier to just have a sickness that was going to just get better with all the medication. (and it will). My emotions got the better of me. I think I am super tired for one which makes everything seem worse. Haven't slept much for 3 days. Maybe today. So anyway, My second treatment was a bit worse than the first as I said before. The Nausea set in big time and none of the little happy pills did anything for it. I am gaining weight from the Steroids and constantly feel hungry yet nothing I eat satisfies. Mostly because nothing tastes good. And what little bit of hair I did have left has decided not to stay either. It was just a sucky evening over all. So contrary to popular belief that I am always happy and smiling I was not. I looked in the mirror and saw a "SICK" person looking back. It was not pretty. But I had a super good cry. Got a bit of sleep and am ready to face a new day. At least I know I am going to get some good ones soon.
P.S. Thanks to my friends who are always there to let me vent my frustrations. It does help alot to get it all out.

October 1st

Got my Luenesta shot today. We will see how that goes. Already having so much more Nausea than last time. I might rather have the "Other" side effects. I hope I don't get them both. That will NOT be fun. I am prepared for the worse but hoping for the best. I just need to keep on top of the pills and take them one time. Before anything goes crazy.
Had a great morning with my Dad. He took me to get my shot, took me to Wal-Mart (even though he hates it) and then we went to Chilli's for lunch. Came home and took a nap. So far so good. Wish me luck.

2 down 2 to go

Second time/worse than the first. My Immune system is officially compromised, my Vitamin D levels are at an all time low, my Blood pressure was high, I gained 2 lbs. and I am an all around mess. But other than that I am doing just GREAT! haha. I had a super bad experience yesterday. I was getting my IV treatments and everything was going along just fine. When Tina (my lovely Nurse) switched the bags over to the Taxstere everything went crazy. I was laying back in the reclining chair and my face went beet red (which I wasn't concerned about at all because it happened last time). Well all of the sudden I sat straight up and I guess I gave my Mom a sheer look of terror. All I could say was "Something's not right" and then I couldn't breathe, I couldn't talk, I was totally freaking out (as well as my Mom) and I just started to cry. I am sure I was panicking a bit. The Nurse had to shut down the Taxstere and give me 3 shots in my IV (to re-start my body). I had to get put on Oxygen and I went into a state of Delerium (I think that's the right word). I was thinking that I was at work in the Lab and the Patients kept handing me their lab orders left and right. I was so upset that I had to be at work
when I was so sick and the patients were being so rude so I guess I was literally trying to throw their papers back at them. My Mom held down my arm and asked me if it was hurting and I told her no I just didn't want to work. (kinda funny now that I think about it, I must have been quite the site). Those darn patients can't even leave me alone during Chemo. They were finally able to re-start my Medication after about a half hour but I stayed on the Oxygen the whole rest of them time. The Nurse diluted it down with 1 1/2 bags of Saline Solution and the rest went pretty well. Of course I drifted in and out of some weird realm that I wasn't really asleep but I wasn't awake either. She kept coming by and tapping me to see if I responded. SCARY,  SCARY Experience. I must admit.
I just want to Thank everyone again for all their thoughts and prayers. I am PRETTY Darn sure that someone was looking out for me yesterday and I sure needed it. I am still here today and very Thankful for that. I am getting teary just thinking about it so I think I will say Bye for now. Peace out.