Happy Days

Happy Days are here again. haha. I went to bed last night @ 9pm and didn't wake up once until 6 this morning. I feel so good. These are the days I remember so well. These are the reasons I suck it up on the bad days. I forgot to tell a cute story from Yesterday. I had one of my cutest patients come in yesterday. His name is Merrill Fisher. He had a stroke and has alot of memory, speech and movement issues. He and his wife are one of the nicest couples I have ever met. So anyway, I was telling them a story about Cancer Support Groups. I told them I wouldn't go to one but I would "Run" one. Well I was pretty much serious but Merrill cracked up laughing. He couldn't stop. His wife said he hadn't laughed that hard since he had the stroke. All he could say was "Yes you would run it". Then I started laughing too. Even the patients know I am a control freak. The point to that story is making other people happy even at my expense is worth everything to me. Linda (his wife) said I probably touch so many peoples lives and they use me an example to their friends and family. That has to make a person feel good right?!. If I have to battle this ugly Monster at least I know I am touching people along the way. Gone are the days when I was going to just suffer in silence. I am not looking for Sympathy by any means by telling my story ( unless of course the sympathy involves Chocolate ) I have just found something I can do to make a "huge" difference in this World and I am running with it.

Thursday early am

2am and I am watching Hoarders "Buried Alive". I thought I could stay calm and keep the back spasms to a minimum but they had other plans. So I am wide awake. Which surprises me because and hour ago I took Loratab and a Ibuprofen 800. It is starting to take effect I just hope that sleep will soon follow. I did manage to get an hour in after the Hot bath. Let's hope there is more sleep in the future tonight. Otherwise I am right back on the Roller Coaster of sleeping all day and back up all night. Oh well if that's what it takes then I guess I will sleep when I can. I am not even sure my Body knows what is normal any more. Normal for me right now is just go with the Flow.
My Son asked me the other day if we could "Plan" what we are doing for Thanksgiving. At this point I don't even plan the day. Just when I thought I would be able to go to Wal-Mart today by body had other plans and I was living in the bathroom for a couple of hours. No planning for me. Thanksgiving will be exactly 2 weeks from my last treatment. Ordinarily I would start to feel better by then but each session has been different to the point where I have no idea when anything is coming. Especially the dreaded taste buds. As it is I don't taste much until 3 weeks out. We will just have to see.
Peace out friends I am going to try for some sleep. Wish me luck.

Wednesday PM

Just when I thought I made it. Yep. NOT. Tonight is the Hot flashes, Back Spasms and all around crappy feelings. Hot Bath here I come. I swear if I could live in the Tub I think I would. Maybe a good plan that I don't have a Giant Garden Jetted Tub. We wouldn't be able to afford the water bills. I was going to try to go to work tomorrow but if this is starting this late I am sure I don't want to be at work if it hits me harder. I am hoping (as always) if I start on the pills right now it won't get any worse. All I can hope for is a full nights sleep. I have already been laying on Ice packs for hours. Now on to the Heat. It's nice to know what's coming so that I know what to do before it's "too Late". Been there done that. No fun.
Hopefully I will be up to Trick or Treating with my little buddy. I look forward to any sense of normalcy I can get. Of course today I just found out he has been sick. Sad to say but if he has anything I can't even have him come over. I am feeling a bit isolated without seeing any of the Nephews, Neices  or even my Grandson but I have one last treatment left and I can't afford to be exposed to any germs. Last time my buddy came over his little brother had a Cold and it didn't take long for me to catch it. Even though they had no symptoms at the time. It brought me blood levels up to 14.9. Not sure exactly what all that means but if they are too high or too low I can't get treated. No Thanks. I will sacrifice and stay indoors. I do NOT want this to last any longer than is absolutely necessary.

Wednesday Oct. 27th

Way too early and I didn't want to get up. Finally getting a "Whole" nights sleep and my Dogs decided they want to go out. Don't they know how hard it is for me to sleep? Guess not. It was nice I must say to sleep for 7 hours though. I decided not to take my Nausea pill in the afternoon yesterday. They make me sleep and then I am up most of the night. Either that or I am "sleeping" with delerium dreams. Which is probably worse. Tuesday night I was convinced I couldn't breathe and kept going to Drs to get on Oxygen. Oh let's clarify. That was all in my dream. I couldn't breath out of my nose and for some reason I couldn't open my mouth to get extra air. When I went to the Dr. they checked my levels and of course said I was breathing just fine. Weird dreams. Gotta love them Medically induced Comas.
I am getting a bit excited and hoping for the best for Friday. I want to go to work on Halloween. I love Halloween and it's so fun to see everyones Costumes. Today I am feeling like I will make it. Let's hope I don't get blind sided by anything. I am going to be "Kind of" Cleopatra. I don't know how good it will turn out but it looks really good in my brain. I am also hoping to Trick or Treat with Austin. I need Need NEED a little bit of normalcy in my life right now. As long as I don't Over do I should be O.K.

Monday Oct. 25th

I officially have a Love/Hate relationship with the Anti-nausea medication. It helps the belly but it seriously knocks me out. I sleep 4 hours at a time when I take them and I am supposed to take them every 6 hours. It's a bit crazy. I feel like I have no life right at the moment. I haven't decorated anything for Halloween and don't even seem to care. Which is unusual for me since I absolutely LOVE Halloween. Here's hoping I will at least be well enough to take Austin Trick or Treating. Today is kind of an emotional day. I feel like total crap, I am sick of it, and I want it to be done. Yes I know this will pass but it takes too long. Today is one of those days that someone is supposed to remind me that there will be good days coming soon. I can NOT wait for my #4 treatment. Of course I still have to deal with all the Crap but at least I will know it's the END. Woo Hoo.

Sunday Sunday

Gloomy Day outside matches the gloom in my brain. Trying to stay positive but I am driving myself crazy what's coming next. One bad thing about being through all of this before. You know!!! something else is coming. So far so good staying on top of the Nausea. Taking the little happy pills seems to help. My feet are already starting to hurt on the bottoms so I will be popping the Loratabs soon. Have to catch the pain before it goes to my hips and my back. I guess Knowledge is power. At least now I know what may be coming and what I can do to "help" it. Will it get rid of everything NO but it will help. And as I always say........This too shall pass. One more treatment, I can soo do this.

October 22. PM

Good Grief. It is already starting and it's coming on strong. Can't decide if I want to eat, throw up, or just fall asleep. My whole body is turning against me right now. I usually don't get this "Good" until at least Sunday. I don't know if this is a good sign that it will end sooner or a bad sign that I am in for it. Let's hope for the good. I so want to be able to go to sleep and hope I can sleep all night. Well if all else fails I have plenty of "happy" pills I can take. I so hate taking pills but I am learning that whatever helps has got to be done. Bad part is some of the side effects are worse than the Nausea. That is why I don't take them. Oh my, Oh my. Will I be so happy on November 11th. That is my last treatment. Bring it on...................I am so ready.
(to be done that is). I have almost forgotten what it feels like to be well. I keep thinking Hawaii that should get me through this mess. haha. Still thinking of the Ocean for Thanksgiving. I got the idea from Lifetime Movies. Whenever someone has Cancer they put on their flowing scarves and go to the Ocean. I guess that is what I should be doing too. (Well it's a good excuse for a trip isn't it?!)  Peace out Friends. Let's hope for a good night.

October 22nd.

Today was shot day. Oh joy. I went with my Mom and my Aunt to my Aunt's appt and then over to the Oncologist for my shot. Afterwards we went to Empire Chinese Buffet for my "last" meal. haha. For the next 10 days there won't be anything good on my plate. My tongue is already turning white, no Bueno. But it is what it is and I know it will pass. I am keeping out the hope that I will be able to enjoy my Thanksgiving dinner. I talked to my sister tonight and she is planning on coming up for my "Ring the Bell" party. I am psyched for that. She might bring my other sisters with her. It will be a Family reunion at the Cancer center. They don't know what they are in for. All my Sisters in one place. Maybe I should warn them. Nah! Let them find out the hard way.
Can't wait for that day.
The nausea is starting already. I guess that might be a good thing. The sooner it starts maybe the sooner it ends. Maybe I will get lucky and feel better sooner. I won't get my hopes up though. Who am I kidding. I am totally hoping for that.
Have a good night everyone. On to sleeping pills and hopefully a full nights sleep for me.

3 down one to go.....................

Woo Hoo. Today went really well. They gave me preventitive medications to "Relax" my body so it didn't go on the attack. I 1/2 slept through the whole thing. It was marvelous. I was so nervous when I first got there I had almost made myself physically sick. So happy to have it over. One more treatment and I am done with this mess. Hopefully Forever (at least that's my plan). Today was a ladies last treatment and they gave her some non-alcoholic champagne and then you get to ring a huge bell and everyone claps for you. I can't wait for that day. I am sooooo ringing that bell with all the gusto I can muster. I told my big Sis about it and she is going to try to get time off and come up to be with me. That will make it even more fun. Let's get the party started.
I know I am in for a rough week but I think just knowing I am that much closer is going to help me get through it. And the best part of all is I lost 1 whole pound. I know that sounds lame but on the Steroids I am on my Dr. says some people tend to gain 2 to 3 lbs a week. YUCK! I am glad I am not one of them. One girl had gained 72 lbs. over the course of her  treatment. No Thanks. Sounds Vain I know but it's the one thing I can control by eating correctly and trying to stay active. I am going to do what I can. So I slept most of the day and now it's after 10 and I am wide awake. Betcha I am going to be up all night. Oh well No work for a few days. I can sleep in the day time.
Thanks for all the thoughts and Prayers. I know the Love and support I am getting from my friends and family are totally getting me through this. I feel for the people that don't have what I have. I am going to do what I can to Volunteer in some support groups when I am well. I want to help anyone I can like I have been helped. Never thought I would be a "Champion of the Cause" and I don't think I am. I just want to be there for someone that needs me.
Peace out! Love you all.

D Day tomorrow. 20th

Well today was my last day of work for a week or so. Tomorrow is the 3rd treatment. i hope it goes better than the 1st and the 2nd. Third times the Charm isn't it? That's what I am thinking. I had a blessing from a very good friend and his brother tonight. I feel better already. Any little bit helps. I know that God is in my Corner and I will beat this. I also know however that I am in for a few rough patches. I am still a bit nervous about tomorrow and hoping not to get a reaction to the Drugs. My main fear is not Death (I have total confidence in the Nurse and Doctor). My fear is that I will have another reaction and will not be able to continue with the Taxetere. What does this mean for me? Not quite sure but from what I have heard it will mean that I will A. have longer treatments of a lesser dose or B. have to wait for my body to "heal a bit" and keep up with the same regimen. I am so ready for this all to be over. Soon enough it will.

Had my first In and Out Burger today. Good but not all it's hyped up to be. I just figured I would treat myself since next week it is back to "tasting" nothing. Eating just to eat. Mostly Eggs and Oatmeal. When I am done with this I swear I may never eat Oatmeal again.
Well Off to bed to toss and turn and get "NO" sleep. Typical for the day before Treatment. I will catch up on my sleep on the weekend. I will take the "Sleepy" pills and sleep for hours. Peace out. I will keep you posted.

4 days out!

Had a pretty good day today. I went grocery shopping, Cooked a Fab dinner for my Family and even made Cupcakes. I felt so normal today. It was great. Tonight when I sat down to dinner I actually "enjoyed" it which was bittersweet. I know that when my tastes come back then I am almost up for the next treatment. Yuck!. At least I get a bit of enjoyment. I made chicken pillows, mashed taters and green beans. I swear nothing has ever tasted so good. haha. It's crazy how you learn to enjoy simple things. I went for a Hot Chocolate @ maverick and even it was amazing. I actually Craved it. I swear I must be pregnant. (O.K. maybe not). Watching movies tonight and hoping for a full nights sleep. Wish me luck.

Sunday Oct. 17th

I am just wondering if I will EVER sleep a full night again. This is my "Good" week and I usually feel much better but of course I caught a Cold that I just cannot shake. I hope it doesn't delay my Treatment. I have "Big" Plans for tasting Turkey by Thanksgiving. haha. Stuffy Head, Watery Eyes, Ick. I am over this mess. Well anyway, I am not sure what to do on the sleep end. I take the Pills, I go to bed early, but I lie there in what I call 1/2 sleep. Strange dreams, tossing and turning. I would love to sleep maybe 12 hours straight in a dreamless state.
Yesterday was a great day. Some friends and I had a little BBQ to Celebrate my "Good" Weekend. Hot dogs on the Grill (Yum). Great food and awesome Company. Came home and watched the "Blindside". I love that movie. And acutally even folded a load of Laundry. One thing for sure my house is going down the toilet. Whatever energy I do have doesn't want to be spent cleaning. So if anyone "Stops" by I hope they remember the "Maid" is sick. Have a wonderful Sunday. I will write tonight if anything eventful happens.  Peace Out!

Finally Friday October 15th

Finally getting over this stinking Cold I have had all week. I am certainly hoping for a good night sleep. I hope it works out that way. Maybe I will have to break down and take the sleeping pills. I prefer not to take anything I don't have to. Every pill has a different side effect and it has to be weighed as to wether it's really worth it. At least I don't have to get up early tomorrow. Woo Hoo.  I actually made it through 38 hours this week at work. That's more than I did on my second week last time. It makes me feel good to be able to work. Somehow I don't feel so much like a "Sick" person that way.
I am looking forward to a fun day with some of my girl friends. We all wanted to get together when I felt "well" enough so we are having a cookout @ Michelle's new condo. BBQd Hot Dogs and Tater Salad. Yum yum. Can't hardly wait.
So in the immortal words of my little Jessica   "I'm not gonna Lie" haha. I am very nervous about my next treatment. After the horrid reaction I had last time I just don't know what to expect. I feel like I should right down some of my wishes (just in case) something bad happens. But am I being overly morbid? or just super cautious. I don't know. The Nurses are great and I know they know what to do but if my body doesn't cooperate I am done. It is a pretty scary thought. It's funny how life throws us curve balls. I guess we just live life to the fullest, hope for the best outcomes, and trust that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

October 13th

29 years ago today my little baby boy was Born. He's not too little any more. I had a horribly long labor and to be honest when they put him in my arms I kind of freaked out. I had no idea what to do with him. Of course as parents we never know what to do with these little people we are intrusted with. We just raise them the best we know how and hope we teach them something along the way. My son has made me proud on so many occasions but the best thing for me is to watch him with his own Son. The best thing I could have instilled in him is the Love and compassion to be a great parent.
Of course teaching them to work hard and earn a good living doesn't hurt.

I have already worked 20 hours this week in the last two days. I have come home so tired but it is a good tired. I love staying busy at work. It gives me purpose. If I was to sit at home all day I am afraid I would either be depressed, wallow in self pity or basically sleep my life away.

I was feeling kind of good about myself today. In the last few days I have heard from a few people that I have "helped" indirectly (and unintentionally) with things that are going on in their lives. Today I had a Nurse come up and ask me how she can help her Mom who is battling this Cancer also. When I was first diagnosed I wasn't going to be "open" about any of it. I didn't want to be anyones poster child or the Picture of Breast cancer but who am I to say what my destiny is. Maybe this was all part of Gods plan. I am supposed to go through this, stay strong and be there for others. Either for others to help me through service or me to help them by showing my strength. I will just go wherever this path takes me.
Peace Out.

Tuesday 12th

Wow. I am beat. I worked a full 10 today. I hate that I have to work but Money talks and I still have bills to pay. Some days I don't mind working because it gives me purpose. Today I was so tired that I really didn't want to be there. I have a full blown Head cold. Thanks Austin. haha. I got some perscription strength Sudafed from the Pharmacy. Wish me luck. I am planning on working 40 hours. But of course I now know my weaknesses and I will quit if it gets to  be too much. Came home tonight and ate HOT Dogs. Gross I know but boy was it worth all the fat and Calories. Too tired to write too much tonight. Hoping for some goooooood Sleep.

Monday Monday

Oh I hate it when I do that. I wrote a whole page and Lost it. Don't ask me what I did. So anyway, I didn't write at all Yesterday which is a surprise because it was a great day.
Adam's Birthday (29) is on the 13th so we decided that we would celebrate at Lagoon Frightmares. When he was little we always did a Halloween theme so it was super fun. We had a fun little picnic and Superman cupcakes, the weather was amazing and I felt pretty good. It was all around the most perfect day I have had in a long time. I was very wiped when I finally got home but I must say it was worth every bit of the exhaustion. I didn't go to work today. Not enough sleep with this stinking head cold. I did spend the morning with my Baby sister. We got to go to the Layton D.I. for those of you who don't know I am a Thrift store junkie. We had a bit of "emotional" talk and I had an Ephiphany. I am not sure if Sunday was superly magical or if I am just learning to appreciate the little things in life. I am a firm believer that when you come very close to the possibilty of death you live you life a bit different. I plan to live mine to the fullest.
I am finding true friends and actually finding the "Real" me in the process. You never know who you truly are until you are faced with adversity and make it through to the other side. I stick up for myself more than I ever have and I feel pretty good about it.
Off to watch Dancing with the Stars. TTYL>

Saturday

So far so good. I thought it might be refreshing to write on here while I am actually feeling not only well but upbeat as well. haha. I did 3 loads of laundry this morning and now am taking a MOVIE break. Blood Diamond. Kind of sad but really good so far.
Spent a little bit of time with my little Man yesterday. But not quite enough. I miss him when I don't get to see him. He is so funny and is growing up so fast now that he started School. Yesterday he told me he was smart because of the Homework Helpers. "They are Moms that come to the School and sometimes even Dads". What a kid. So I am excited to think that I might get 2 whole good weeks this time instead of just 10 days. One can only hope. That will make the next one a little easier to bear. Still can't taste anything (which I hate) but I guess it keeps me from eating 24/7 (which is what I really want to do). I actually hung up a Halloween sticker today. Not much but I at least feel like I did something. Maybe today I will go buy a Pumpkin @ WalMart.  They had some pretty nice ones that weren't too expensive. Feels good to be alive in the FALL.

October 8th

Woo Hoo!. I slept all night. That is a minor miracle in itself. Going to try to play a bit today. Going to lunch with some Ladies from the neighborhood and picking up my chicken from School. So excited I haven't seen him for 2 weeks. I miss his cute little face. I am sure I will be napping tonight but it will be worth every minute to feell "Alive" for the day. I have to keep remembering that I will have these good days. When I am having the bad ones it's all I can focus on and I am sure I will never get better. My big focus now is Thanksgiving. I will be done with all of the Chemo and my "Bad" week by then and am planning on Celebrating big time. Hopefully going to St. George to be with all the extended family. Either way I am looking forward to "tasting" the good food. How's that for a Goal? haha. My goals lately seem to revolve quite a bit around food. I am constantly hungry yet nothing is "good" so I am constantly thinking of what to eat next. Too funny.  Last night my daughter had Chinese food and I literally sat and watched her eat it. I had already had dinner but somehow it was fun to watch her enjoy her food. OMG. I sound like I am obsessed. haha. I guess I kind of am. Well off to shower and put on "My Hair". Time to feel a bit human. Thanks again for the prayers I am absolutely positive that God is in my corner on this one.

TLC Series

O.K. I officially decided I will be the next IDIOT on "I didn't know I was Preganant". I am pretty sure with all this back pain and jello legs I must be about to deliver Triplets. I am telling you right now if a baby pops out it's going right back.
I read the Immodium package today and it says I should take one pill each time I "Visit" the restroom for my "issue". (Doesn't that sound alot better?) But I can only take 4 in a 24 hour period. There's always a catch. I have been in there at least 20 times today. I think that is a bit over the limit. I do believe between the Loratab and the Immodium I might just make it throught tonight sleeping in my own Bed. One can only hope. On the plus side I "almost" tasted a German Chocolate Brownie that Jeff brought home. I could taste the sugar on the bottom. Woo hoo. There is always something positive in every negative. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to taste a Cheeseburger from Five Guys. haha.

Ocotober 6th

Wednesday........I am so glad I decided not to go to work today. It seems that my Bathroom floor and I are going to be great freinds. I slept there part of the night and will probably be in there "Many" Many times today. The tile floor feels really good actually when you are having the "Sweats". I have come to find that if you find something that helps go with it. Feeling a little bit sad. I honestly hoped I would feel better than this by now. I thought that getting the shot late last time prolonged everything else but I guess not. That's O.K. I still get to have 2 "good" weekends and I am VERY thankful for that.
My baby sister is coming up this weekend and we are hoping to have some good Grandma time with the kids. Maybe the Pumpkin patch. BRRRR. Fall is here. Yay. I have some awesome hats and I won't look so awkward wearing them. I am still hoping to be able to go to Dallin and Sam's wedding but it will be a wait and see. At least I can feel like I had a small part in getting their gift together.

Tuesday Oct. 5th

Not quite as bad today. I just simply feel that any and all energy has been zapped from my body. I hope their isn't a Fire or Major Catastrophe I am afraid I would not make it down the stairs. So I need to clear up this stupid shot I get. I think it is called Neulasta. I keep saying Luenasta. Well whichever one it is, I am NOT taking the sleep aid. hahaha. Although it might be good if I did so I could sleep a bit. I guess I can't complain I am up to 7 hours a night. I usually only wake up once for a Potty run. Those Adult diapers are looking pretty good right now. NOT!. EWWW!. I would have gone the Bed Pan route but unfortunately my darling daughter wasn't up for the challenge. My sweet little Mommy brought me a book to read, a magazine, cleaned my Kitchen and even rub my feet with some pain reliever cream. She rocks big time. Got me through the day Mom.
Two days ago I was ready to give up and discontinue treatment but I am starting to remember that there are "Good" days. I refuse to give up the fight now matter what I have to endure. My family, my friends and my LIFE are way too important to give up now. Keep in mind that in all things there are trials and tribulations. Look to the Positive and you can make it through anything. No one said it would be easy.............But it is most definitely worth it!. Can someone remind me of this statement on October 23rd when I am going through this again?!. Peace out. Thanks for sharing.

Monday Morning. Yuck.

No such luck. I was hoping getting the Leunasta shot earlier and keeping up on the pills would keep me from getting as much pain. Yeah, I think not. No Back spasms (yet) but oh the pain in my back and legs. Already popping the Loratab. Any other time those things would knock me out. Of course not now. My Ankles feel like someone hit me with a baseball bat. Wow, a new adventure every time. Fair warning you may want to stay far away from me today. I am ORNERY! big time. My stupid dog keeps barking at people out the window and I am about to go over and ring his neck. haha. Who am I kidding I probably can't even stand up. Oh I know this too shall pass within a day or two but it sure isn't fun for today. Thank goodness I don't have to be at work. All those crazy demanding patients I might actually go to jail for murder. O.K. O.K. I am working on staying calm. Deep breathing. NOPE ain't gonna happen. I can hardly wait for November 11th. That is my last Chemo treatment. I am sure that week will be easier to deal with since I know it will be the last. I got this!. Peace out.

Sunday Morning

October 3rd. I think. Oh what a beautiful morning. I am up at the crack of dawn (4:30).
But that's O.K. I went outside with my dogs and the stars and the moon were so bright and the air is so crisp. It was a perfect start to an early day. I had such a good talk with my "Big Sis" last night she is officially my new "Grief Counselor". She gives me advice on how to accept help, to admit when I am not well, and to allow myself to have a "pity party" once in a while. But she also reminded me that I feel this way the first week or so and I do get "better". And I will get better. This is not the "ME" forever, it is a temporary setback. My sweet little "Church" ladies/Friends made us some yummy frozen dinners. It is so nice that people care enough to help out. It is nice too because we can just cook them when we need them. There are so many thoughtful people in my life and I want to Thank you all. I am learning (the hard way) that I might actually need some help and it is O.K. to take it. Some day it will be my turn to give back and I will.
I am hoping for a ride up to the Canyon today to see the turning leaves. I just hope my body cooperates. I LOVE FALL!.

October 2nd-Technically

Wow. I actually slept for 6 wole hours. Last night was a bummer night. I think I finally admitted to myself that I am a Cancer patient. Don't get me wrong I wasn't in denial. I just thought it was easier to just have a sickness that was going to just get better with all the medication. (and it will). My emotions got the better of me. I think I am super tired for one which makes everything seem worse. Haven't slept much for 3 days. Maybe today. So anyway, My second treatment was a bit worse than the first as I said before. The Nausea set in big time and none of the little happy pills did anything for it. I am gaining weight from the Steroids and constantly feel hungry yet nothing I eat satisfies. Mostly because nothing tastes good. And what little bit of hair I did have left has decided not to stay either. It was just a sucky evening over all. So contrary to popular belief that I am always happy and smiling I was not. I looked in the mirror and saw a "SICK" person looking back. It was not pretty. But I had a super good cry. Got a bit of sleep and am ready to face a new day. At least I know I am going to get some good ones soon.
P.S. Thanks to my friends who are always there to let me vent my frustrations. It does help alot to get it all out.

October 1st

Got my Luenesta shot today. We will see how that goes. Already having so much more Nausea than last time. I might rather have the "Other" side effects. I hope I don't get them both. That will NOT be fun. I am prepared for the worse but hoping for the best. I just need to keep on top of the pills and take them one time. Before anything goes crazy.
Had a great morning with my Dad. He took me to get my shot, took me to Wal-Mart (even though he hates it) and then we went to Chilli's for lunch. Came home and took a nap. So far so good. Wish me luck.

2 down 2 to go

Second time/worse than the first. My Immune system is officially compromised, my Vitamin D levels are at an all time low, my Blood pressure was high, I gained 2 lbs. and I am an all around mess. But other than that I am doing just GREAT! haha. I had a super bad experience yesterday. I was getting my IV treatments and everything was going along just fine. When Tina (my lovely Nurse) switched the bags over to the Taxstere everything went crazy. I was laying back in the reclining chair and my face went beet red (which I wasn't concerned about at all because it happened last time). Well all of the sudden I sat straight up and I guess I gave my Mom a sheer look of terror. All I could say was "Something's not right" and then I couldn't breathe, I couldn't talk, I was totally freaking out (as well as my Mom) and I just started to cry. I am sure I was panicking a bit. The Nurse had to shut down the Taxstere and give me 3 shots in my IV (to re-start my body). I had to get put on Oxygen and I went into a state of Delerium (I think that's the right word). I was thinking that I was at work in the Lab and the Patients kept handing me their lab orders left and right. I was so upset that I had to be at work
when I was so sick and the patients were being so rude so I guess I was literally trying to throw their papers back at them. My Mom held down my arm and asked me if it was hurting and I told her no I just didn't want to work. (kinda funny now that I think about it, I must have been quite the site). Those darn patients can't even leave me alone during Chemo. They were finally able to re-start my Medication after about a half hour but I stayed on the Oxygen the whole rest of them time. The Nurse diluted it down with 1 1/2 bags of Saline Solution and the rest went pretty well. Of course I drifted in and out of some weird realm that I wasn't really asleep but I wasn't awake either. She kept coming by and tapping me to see if I responded. SCARY,  SCARY Experience. I must admit.
I just want to Thank everyone again for all their thoughts and prayers. I am PRETTY Darn sure that someone was looking out for me yesterday and I sure needed it. I am still here today and very Thankful for that. I am getting teary just thinking about it so I think I will say Bye for now. Peace out.