Thanksgiving

I hoped beyond hope to feel better for Thanksgiving but it just wasn't meant to be. We had our Family gathering but I only lasted about an hour before I had to go home. This 4th Treatment is kicking my butt and kicking it good. Hopefully that means it's kicking the Cancers butt too. I am at the point where I have absolutely no energy whatsoever. We went to Wal-Mart for the Midnight sale and I literally thought I would have to lay on the floor while we were waiting in line. It was such a disappointment. I love to go out and "fight the crowds" but it wasn't happening this year. Everyone tells me to "know my limits" but I don't want limits. I just want to be well. On Wednesday I had my little polka dot tattoos put on for my Radiation. I didn't like what the Dr. told me at all. He says that the Radiation won't make me sicker but it will delay me getting well. I do NOT want to feel this way for another 6 weeks. Not that I have any choice. I guess it is good that I started my Christmas shopping already. I don't think I am going to be getting out much. Radiation starts next Thursday and is every weekday @ 1:00.
I am feeling like I am really wearing on people. I don't like to complain all the time but I never feel well either so I can't really do anything I am used to doing. If I go out in the cold I can't catch my breath. If I over exert myself at all (even walking up and down the stairs) my heart starts racing and I have to sit down. I can't even do grocery shopping. I can't carry any weight. It is no fun at all. I guess I should be Thankful that I am still here but I am not even sure if this Poison is working. I thought there would be some magic test but I guess not. I just have to "wait and see" and keep getting more tests done for the next 5 years. I am getting a bit discouraged but I am sure I will kick it into gear soon enough. I am a fighter. I want a good Christmas for me and my Family and I am determined to do whatever I have to do to make it happen. Even if I have to sit down every 5 minutes. I will shop, I will decorate, I will bake cookies, I will NOT give in to this mess. Thanks for listening. Peace out.